Bee

Beyond the daily challenges that people on this site have spoken about there are those days and months are marked by anniversaries of private grief.

Life can lose focus. You study, work and then assume that you may take maternity leave. For me, IVF over many years was my focus. I felt guilt for taking time off so I didn't have a break when I probably should have for my own sanity. I pay that price now. I am too tired to fight the most simple of battles.

We adopted our lovely dog but our home has two empty bedrooms, the chair where I fainted is still in the house and I exist in a space that was for a life that never arrived.

It is easy to be fearful for a different future. To feel no energy from the things like design and creativity sometimes. To feel desperately sad at times when I know the experiences of the journey have changed me but I know that the situations around me have not, to feel alienated from basic problems as child loss feels so much more significant.

I found solace in study, and the result of that is this website. I hope the future will bring something equally as encouraging and hopeful, educational and inspiring.

Every single person who has found the courage to participate, those who are not ready to do that and those who read this and understand or learn, we'll walk together.