Trying for a baby - and not getting one - is so difficult. The ups and downs of each monthly cycle, with the build up of one failure after another, is devastating.
I was so determined not to get obsessed by the idea of getting pregnant that I avoided conversations about it and didn't let many friends share what my husband and I were going through. IVF brought us closer as a couple and we retreated into our own world, supporting each other through the process. I found it so hard to share with those close to me as I was plagued by fears, feelings of shame and failure which I did not want to feel.
Counselling has been a huge help to me and what started out as a few sessions turned into 2 years of regular visits. I've stopped now as part of the moving on process, and I'm determined to look to my friends and family for support when I need it, even though I find this so hard. I still feel guilty that I can't provide the much hoped-for grandchildren and all the happiness that would bring to my parents.
Turning 40 has helped me to move forward from that desperate "trying for a baby" phase, with its crushing low points. Rather than suggesting, why don't you... adopt/foster/go private, I hope people will realise what I'm starting to; that I'm okay, and I'm enough, on my own.