Lindsay

My story of fertility is a bumpy road of junctions. Unplanned pregnancies with the wrong people at the wrong times early in my adult life and emotionally forced into terminations. I always assumed there would be a right time! Then suddenly when I thought I was too old, but desperately in love, I had a surprise pregnancy at 40 I thought I was blessed only to have a missed miscarriage, then another miscarriage and sadly an early labour at 16 weeks due to Edwards Syndrome so we had hopes gained with heartbeats and dashed with heartbreaking scans. I don't tend to say that I'm infertile but now at the age of 43 and 1/2 I'm definitely now firmly in a place of involuntary childlessness. A hard place where people leave your life alongside your quality eggs, like people abandoning a crap party when you're the last one there still trying to keep the music on and keep on dancing.

My story doesn't include IVF, a financial and emotional choice for us but I still feel that pressure and the simmering judgement from many mothers (especially the ones with miracle babies) that I haven't tried hard enough to be a mum. My gut says that is not something I think my heart can cope with when our combined ages give us a similar chance of conceiving naturally than of having successful IVF so what's the point in adding even more grief to our heavy hearts. You don't hear many people say that but now I say it loud and proud every time I'm asked in that must try harder tone! It's our lives, our grief and our choices so please respect us as all we want is a family together.