Louise

I have always sensible and a bit of a control freak, I wanted to go to uni, get a career, find love, marriage, babies. All in the supposed 'Correct Order'.

I met my now husband when I was 21; moved in together at 22; engaged at 25; married at 27; miscarriage at 28; Diagnosed by stage 4 severe endometriosis at 29; hysterectomy, bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy and a bowel resection at 31.

Sometimes i feel like I didn't fight for it enough, we were offered IVF but we turned it down as i didn't feel like I could cope with it emotionally or physically, I had constant pain everyday taking a cocktail of painkillers that didn't help. Everyday was about the pain or being so exhausted I could not function normally.

Sometimes I feel like I gave up too soon. Sometimes I think if I hadn't been so sensible things would have been different. Sometimes I feel like a failure.

Everything is still raw for me, I am not bitter when i see people i know having babies and their wee families. I just hurt for the baby I can't hold, or give to my husband. I hurt for the small family moments other people take for granted.

But sensible me will eventually come out of this, I will put myself back together again and find a way to create my way of doing things.......x