Rose, Lucy and Anna

I would like to use my space to say how grateful I am to my friends David and Lucy. I met Lucy when I was in my first job and we found out that we lived in the same street. A few months later, I met David who was friends with my then boyfriend, now husband.

It was wonderful when Lucy and David started dating. They married a year after us. We had all talked about kids, sitting around friends who had already had them, we'd coo over toddlers, let them climb over our blokes and assumed we'd have our own. Sadly for me and my man, that was never meant to be. I found out that I was miscarrying and put into an ambulance as Lucy realised she was expecting. We were told not to try again by the GP.

So this is the crucial part of our friendship. The bit where it could go awfully wrong. It's not that I don't like Lucy anymore but that honestly I'm jealous, alone and grieving. I'm upset that David will look at her with adoration, her bump will grow and I'll have to stop seeing her as it'll be too painful and she'll hate me. I'll have this Lucy gap in my life and a bucket load of upset when I think of my past because she's in almost every important event.

But I hadn't factored in my amazing friend. She traveled from Scotland to tell me she was pregnant. Refused to abandon me and held onto me during those dark days like a limpet. When I said it was upsetting to see her bump, she kept in touch through Facetime but I found that I didn't mind the bump so much. When the bump became Anna, a fully fledged baby I did visit. All the visits were on my terms and in return I understood the upset that Anna's arrival caused to an ordered life and how terrible post natal depression is. It's not all been easy, but I know that if I say to her that it's crap, she'll listen and respect it. She can say the same back as Anna turns into a temperamental teen. All the same time, David was there for my husband too.

So if you are bursting to tell the world through Facebook, composing a teasing message, just click on your friends tab and customise your audience or better still, be like Lucy and visit the friends who might struggle with your news. Ring them, see them and listen to them. You might need a Rose in your life just like I need Lucy and Anna.