Peer pressure. Everyone was having kids, so we would too. That, and fixing a relationship that was going south. Naively, we thought babies are band-aids. I stopped the pill, fell pregnant instantly and was overjoyed with the news. We had something to look forward to. Woke up on Saturday morning with cramps and blood poured down- thick and fast. We drove to the hospital to find that I'd lost my baby. My then husband was in denial and it was the first time I saw the rock of my life cry. Two poured down from his eyes to his cheeks. I had to be strong for him and that is what I did.
We tried a few more times, fell pregnant straightaway- and this time, we were cautious not to form an attachment with the little embryo.Eventually, we lost all of them- all the time being bombarded by pregnancy announcements from friends, relatives and acquaintances.
I felt that my whole world crumbled and silently, we were drifting apart. Our marriage broke down, but we never had the courage to tell people. We decided we would be childless, but would devote our resources to make ourselves stronger. We at last made peace.
I soon met someone else, adopted a cat, discovered a career and my ex(?) discovered he was on the asexuality spectrum. We still continue to be best friends and still live together.
He is still my biggest rock.
When I talked to him about contributing here, he said to me, "do you want to stir up all those memories?" It's alright because I can help someone through my story.